Why “Just Have a Glass of Wine” Doesn’t Fix Sexual Pain — And Might Make It Worse

If you’ve ever mentioned sexual pain — whether it's discomfort with intercourse, burning, tightness, or an inability to relax — chances are someone, somewhere, has said:

“Just have a glass of wine.”

It’s usually meant kindly — a way to suggest relaxing or "not overthinking it." But from a pelvic floor physical therapy standpoint, this advice is not only outdated — it’s problematic. Here’s why:

1. It Dismisses the Real, Physical Cause of Sexual Pain

Sexual pain (also called dyspareunia) isn’t just in your head. It’s often the result of very real, very physical dysfunction:

• Overactive or tight pelvic floor muscles

• Scar tissue from birth, surgery, or trauma

• Hormonal changes causing tissue dryness or irritation

• Coordination issues between breathing, the core, and the pelvic floor

• Nervous system upregulation or chronic tension patterns

Pelvic floor physical therapists are trained to assess and treat these root causes, not brush them aside with a glass of cabernet.

2. Alcohol Doesn’t Address the Problem — It Masks It

A glass of wine might reduce inhibition or temporarily dull sensations, but it doesn’t fix the underlying issue. In fact, it can delay getting the care and support that actually leads to healing.

Over time, this advice teaches people to tolerate or numb pain, rather than resolve it — which can create more fear, avoidance, and tension around sex.

3. It Can Create a Harmful Emotional Dynamic

Being told to “just drink” can leave someone feeling:

• Dismissed or invalidated

• Like their pain is overblown or not worth taking seriously

• Pressured to participate in intimacy they don’t feel physically or emotionally safe in

That’s not empowering — that’s minimizing. Sexual health is deeply personal and vulnerable. People deserve informed support, not casual shortcuts.

4. It Ignores the Role of Consent and Autonomy

Using alcohol to manage discomfort in sexual situations blurs the line between choice and coping. It may unintentionally encourage someone to override their body's signals, rather than respond to them with care.

At its core, pelvic floor therapy encourages body awareness, consent, and confidence — not dissociation or numbing.

What to Do Instead

If you’re experiencing sexual pain, the most important thing to know is: you’re not broken, and you’re not alone — help is available.

Pelvic floor physical therapy can:

• Identify and release tight, guarded muscles

• Teach you how to coordinate breathing, core, and pelvic floor during intimacy

• Address hormonal or post-birth changes contributing to discomfort

• Help rebuild trust in your body and reduce fear-based tension

• Support emotional healing alongside physical progress

The Bottom Line

“Just have a glass of wine” is not a solution — it’s a stopgap that often does more harm than good. Pain during sex deserves real, respectful attention, not alcohol and avoidance.

If sex is painful for you, there’s nothing wrong with you. And there’s nothing shameful about seeking support.

Working with a pelvic floor physical therapist can be the first step toward pain-free, empowered, and connected intimacy — no wine required.